Plotless Fun Tiems
by Firelle Nym
Summary: L'Oreal. Because he's worth it. Thiefshipping. One-shot. Based entirely on Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged. It says it's humorous, but I wouldn't believe it.


Bakura grumbled lowly as Marik started fondling his hair.

They were alone in the chamber a few minutes after their latest Evil Council meeting, Marik standing behind Bakura in the head chair; he'd stolen it from Marik when he arrived earlier than him. Marik had whined, but still let him sit there.

"Oooh, Fluffy, I never knew your hair was so soft!" Marik cooed.

"I thought that was why you started calling me 'Fluffy' in the first place."

"I call you Fluffy because your hair's so thick. And when have I ever touched it before?"

"I don't know. It isn't the sort of thing I'd remember. Maybe in my sleep," he mused.

"Why the frig would I do that?"

Bakura sighed. He was getting tired of Marik's closet act. Even after Bakura had repeatedly pointed out his habits of reading yaoi, dressing effeminately, singing to Lady Gaga, stroking a phallic item suggestively _and_ Melvin's accusations, Marik wouldn't admit it. "It's exactly the sort of straight thing you'd do."

Marik's hands, twirling locks of white hair, stilled. "I am _not gay_, Bakura!"

Bakura growled. He was going to do something extreme if Marik kept this up. "Fine, fine. I'm not bloody arguing with you about this again."

Marik smiled and his hands continued stroking. After a few moments (probably the longest time he'd ever gone without speaking), Marik chattered, "What product do you use Bakura? This feeling is just to die for!"

"Marik..." he said with a warning tone.

"What?" he replied heedlessly.

"Shut up."

"Stupid Kitty..."

"Not a kitty!"

"Is that why you wouldn't sing along with Pegasus when he sang a Pussycat Girls song?" Somehow this meeting had degraded into karaoke. Something to do with a Katy Perry world tour: Pegasus and Marik wanted to celebrate.

"No," he said shortly. _It's because I only sing with you, _"it's because I hate The Pussycat Girls."

"Aw, Bakura, how could you say that? 'When I Grow Up' is one of my favourite songs!"

"Oh, for Ra's sake... Marik. What would you say if I told you I loved you?" he asked quickly.

Marik's hands flew from Bakura's hair; Bakura was surprised to find he was disappointed. "W-what does that have to do with anything? It's a rhetorical situation, right?"

Bakura got to his feet in one swift movement, turning to Marik with narrowed eyes. "Sure," he said unconvincingly.

"Well... I mean I would uh... But it doesn't matter, does it? B-because you don't, obviously..."

"Obviously?"

"...Yeah. We're both villains, right? We're not some," he fumbled for words, "romantic boys in a yaoi manga..."

Bakura grinned ferally. "Villains can love too. So, go on. What would you do?" he queried, nudging Marik's leg with a toe.

"I'd – well it's not like I would – because I'm not – ..."

Bakura's expression gradually turned downcast. "That doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

"Neither does your face!"

He allowed himself an inner smile at Marik's childish sense of humour before his emotionless exterior kicked in. "Stop trying to get out of this, Marik," he said, dangerously, "I want to know."

"I'm not gay and I wouldn't say 'I love you' back!" he shouted.

"But Marik, you already told me of your feelings."

"What? No I didn't!"

Bakura cleared his throat and reminded Marik of 'Sails Away'.

"Wait, you did it because I said that?"

He inwardly debated on what to tell Marik, before deciding to go with "Yes. I only sing with you."

Marik's face flashed with shock as he processed that. "Oh." He regained his bearings of the situation and kept speaking, "I wanted you to sing; that was...a joke?" He could tell that was as false as Jordan's boobs as soon as he said it.

Bakura glared at him. "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure – otherwise I wouldn't have said it!"

"Then you won't react to this," he said, grabbing a fistful Marik's shirt and pulling him closer. He knew it was emotions getting the better of him; that he should allow Marik to instigate this if he really wanted to prove anything. He wrapped his arms around Marik's back and kissed him without hesitation despite his thoughts – and Marik was the most awed, not at the fact he did it, but the fact it was so tender and...Dare he say, sweet?

He stood stock still as Bakura pulled away to look at his face. Bakura grinned at the dazed stare and repeatedly kissed him, all of the acts soft and gentle. When Marik found Bakura licking at his bottom lip, he automatically opened his mouth to let Bakura's tongue caress (how he could possibly have just used that to describe Bakura he had no idea) his.

Bakura let out a drawn-out, growling moan of relief as he felt Marik finally responding. He pulled away, smile wider than Marik had ever seen before. "Will you...admit it?"

"Hmm?" Marik hummed, feeling disconnected from his body. He didn't know what he was thinking right now; he was...happy – though if you asked him he probably wouldn't be able to say why.

Bakura lightly traced a finger across the blonde's jawline; when he reached his chin, he slid the digit underneath and lifted his head up. "I want to hear you say it. For me."

"...For you?" he repeated slowly.

Bakura looked at him, exasperated. "You just kissed another man. Would you call that straight?"

This snapped Marik back to his senses. "I'm not homosexual! It's because...you're an exception. You're my kitty," he said as if this was a totally valid excuse.

Bakura shrugged and simply said, "Good enough for me."

"Though you are extremely effeminate..."

He raised his eyebrows. "You? Calling _me_ effeminate? That's like Shakespeare saying Stephenie Meyer's a good writer."

Marik looked a little put-out at that, probably because he loved the stalking and abusively controlling fairy in the god-awful 'saga'. If he wanted someone as evil as Edward Cullen he should just have asked Bakura to be his boyfriend.

"I'll show you effeminate..." he grumbled, dragging Marik over to the table and slamming him down on it. Marik was only too glad to ignore labels and let him prove whatever the hell he wanted.

* * *

**Well, that was a distressingly unconclusive ending. Still, it was written for fun (then why am I uploading it here?) and shouldn't be taken entirely seriously (even though that's how I wrote it).**

**Anyone perverted enough to want it continued? I wouldn't mind, honestly, if people are interested. Go ThiefShipping.  
**

**Lots of love for LittleKuriboh, as you can see. I command you to go watch his infinitely better videos rather than reading my lame fanfics.**

**Ack, I don't like the humour in this... I'll try and make the next part better if it'll ever exist.  
**

**Leave a review if you want; I like feedback!  
**


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